oh gah... subject lines

I've been having a hormonal issue all day today. But won't go into that.

I also know I said everything was fine with my guy and all, but I'm still worried. Little things are bugging me. Not about him specifically... but some little points. But I guess it's best to try and assume that everything is fine like normal people in relationships do. I think that is my problem with relationships. I want to know, not just believe everything is ok.

At times I wonder why I even keep public journals or blogs. No one really seems to care what I have to say in them. I mean, while I don't care about comments in themselves, it is nice to hear them. But oh well. It's getting to a point where my attitude is one where I feel like I'm expected to keep them and post. Kind of like being online. I'm expected to do it. Same with my writing... I want to do it, but why bother putting it out there for people to see if they aren't going to willingly give their opinions? And only give it if I ask? It's discouraging and makes me feel like I'm posting it because I'm expected to. Not because people are really interested.

I also need a break from things. Have considered asking Becky if I could stay with her for a few days, but don't want to be in the way, and the parents are uber annoying about stuff at times. Wonder what disaster they'd have that time? I know... I'm so negative. But yeah considered it... yet not sure right now. My work schedule will possibly be changing soon... so I may be working Saturdays. Therefore, I may not get to do anything any more. Not that I did much to begin with. But oh well, suppose it doesn't matter to anyone anyway.

Probably have stepped on a few toes if someone actually reads this, even though it wasn't directed at anyone. Which brings me to another point... Why do people always assume when I say that, that it is? Why can't they take that statement at face value? Just as it was given. Or when I say "people have been asking me about"... even if it is in direct opposition to another's POV, that doesn't mean I'm talking about them... It means people have been asking me about something and that is MY viewpoint. It doesn't mean you have to share it.

I would apologize for it if I have made someone mad or uncomfortable or anything... but why bother? Saying I'm sorry probably won't fix it either. I can't fix anything ok? Just good at breaking things apart. I jinx trips. I screw up people's lives just by having involvement, and have no other purpose in life it seems to be a screw up or a jinx. I'd be lying if I said that my noticing this doesn't bother me, so I won't lie. It does... but oh well.

Yeah, I'm cynical and in one of those moods where I feel insignificant to the world. And somehow that doesn't matter too much to me at the moment either.